Hair Club For Men
It has been on my bucket list for some time now. You know, kidnap the wife and whisk her away to an undisclosed location. Almost sounds primeval, like I should drag her by the hair with a club over my shoulder.
The Project
I fell victim to Cyber Monday ads plaguing my computer screen. Cheap flight advertisements were swirling around my head and were not going to stop until I caved. Ugh! We’re soooo stinkin busy though! I looked at the calendar hoping a ray of light would shine from the heavens and beam upon a free week while an angelic choir sang hallelujah. Cha-right! Do you have any idea what our family calendar looks like? We got five kids! Cinco ninos!
Remember when you were a kid and you looked through one of those kaleidoscopes? And then you spun it. That is what our calendar looks like. Sports, music, church are labeled in colors and patterns and notes and scribbles going in and out. Our kids with special needs have endless therapy appointments repeating and spinning. There seems to be no limits to our commitments.There are no openings in the foreseeable future. Ay caramba!
THAT is exactly why we needed a POG! Come on man! Parents Only Getaway is the longest chapter in my book and we were overdue. This was the time to decide how important it really was. The calendar was not going to loosen up. So I took a chance and went for it. I decided the date would be whenever I could take care of the most important issue, the babysitter. So I called the Nonny (grandma) and got a three night commitment in just before Valentines! Then I booked the cheap flights to Cabo. Que Bueno!
Keep It Together Man
Keeping my mouth shut for two months, not really a problem. There were times when Robin was down or tired and I wanted to tell her she would soon have her toes on a warm beach in Mexico, but I kept it together. The Nonny kept it together too. But there was a third party who knew about the surprise and that was my biggest mistake. I booked the trip on the family computer, which is a flat screen in the living room that everyone can see. I might as well have told Robin’s hairdresser, because every time anyone was on the computer, a cornucopia of Cabo vacation ads draped the monitor. Everything from airlines, to hotels, to activities in southern Baja floated over the screen. Then there was the barrage of confirmation emails. Honestly, there were a few times I thought for sure she knew what was up.
One time Robin happened by when I received an email from the airline asking if I wanted an upgrade. I quickly clicked off to another page featuring VRBO homes in Cabo. Then quickly clicked off that page to a benign website – it had ads about swimming with whale sharks at our destination. She had to know what was going on and probably loved the way I fumbled all over the place.
Where the Rubber Meets the Road
T-minus 24 hours until takeoff and it was GAME ON! Passports, tickets, parking, check! Hotel, car, activities, check! Cancellations, calendar, kids, check! Backups, work, medical cards, emergencies, check! My carry-on packed and hidden, check! The Nonny, check! ALL SYSTEMS GO! But now it was time to face my deepest and darkest fears . I had to do what no man should have to do. The mere thought of it makes me want to find a dark corner and curl up in a ball. But if I was going to pull this off then I would have to pack a bag for my wife.
The Packing
It should be noted that not only should a man never be asked to pack for his wife, but no man should be within any distance or communication when his wife packs. This is one of the great dichotomies between woman and man. When I packed, I checked the weather — 80 degrees every day. Boom. One pair shorts, one boardshorts, one athletic shorts. Three shirts, three underwear, three socks, tooth brush, tooth paste, flip flops, sunglasses, throw some snacks in there, plus what I was wearing on the plane, and I am borderline over-packed.
Conversely, if Robin packed herself for this trip, the thought process would begin weeks in advance. A couple stores would have been visited, just in case there was something calling her name. The actual packing process is painful. 80 degrees every day, sure. But what if it’s not? What if we decide to ride horses on the beach and not go diving? What if we go fishing and not surfing? What if we eat some place nice, travel to another village, lie on the beach, whale watch? What if something happens to our plane and we stay an extra day?
All possible activities are considered and then several options are laid out for each day. You gotta have options! Why? Because you don’t know what you will feel like wearing that day until it’s that day. See, this is why no man should be around when his wife packs. Heaven forbid you should say anything like, “Honey, you might be a little over packed…sweetheart, remember last time when we came home and you had more unused items than used?… Anything you take is at risk of getting dirty, broken, or lost… It’s Mexico.” To hint at any of these threatens to ruin the vacation before it even starts.
I completely eliminated that agonizing event by packing for her, but the consequences of this could be catastrophic. When Robin left the house to take the kids to school and then play tennis, I snuck into the bedroom to pack her bag. I started with the easiest first and rummaged through her drawers for socks and underwear. Turns out, NOT SO EASY, but I figured it out. Then on to the closet. I know what she likes to wear so it’s simply a matter of finding it. How hard could it be? Well, for starters, all these items were hung up that I did not know you could hang up! Then I could not find a pair of jeans to save my life.
She has a thousand pairs of jeans and I could not find one pair. I was deep in the bowels of the wardrobe lost and confused until a faun pointed me in the right direction. I skipped the jeans. They were only for the plane ride home anyway. I went on to the yoga outfits, workout, beach attire, casual wear, and everyday stuff. I ended up with piles of clothes all over the bed. Then the unthinkable happened! I heard the back door open. My mind raced! Could it be my wife? I yelled out a calm, “Hello.” the reply came back. It was Robin and she was heading to our bedroom. Like a cat, I jumped to the bed and while using my arms like a windshield wiper, I swiped everything off to the floor on the far side of the bed.
Robin came in and asked why I was so startled. I replied that she had scared me as I thought she was playing tennis. One step to the far side of the bed or into the closet and it was game over. Then I saw it! I had left her sock drawer open! She walked over, closed it, then spent a few minutes at the dresser while I tried to look natural and not freaking out like a traitor about to be discovered. She was only in there for a minute, but it felt like an eternity.
She left the house and I got back to packing. It was only a three night trip, so I packed half a carry-on for me and a carry-on and a half for her. I did my best but prepared my speech, “Hey, if I forgot something then we’ll pick it up there.” For the remainder of the day I was on full alert as I knew I could have packed something she wanted for that day.
The Final Countdown
The rest of the day went off without a hitch and we slept through the night. T-minus two hours and Robin dropped the kids off at school. Upon her return she jumped into my car for our prearranged early lunch date. I looked down and saw she was wearing the worst shoes you could imagine for walking around southern baja. I said, “after lunch I have a big walk in mind plus some clients I’d like to drop in on, so we are going to walk a ton. Go grab some serious walking shoes would you?” She protested because her big furry boots were so cute and comfortable and the frigid day demanded them. We went back and forth until I said, “Humor me.” This is a phrase she uses on me when she really wants me to do something. It works on me and on this occasion it worked on her.
Shock and Awe
We ran an errand and then drove downtown supposedly for a special lunch. T-minus seventy minutes to takeoff and we pulled into an off site airport parking facility. She seemed a little confused but let it go. I found a parking spot, looked at her, and told her I had a confession. “We are going to lunch, but we are going to our favorite Mexican restaurant….Guacamayas.” She knows Guacamayas is in San Jose del Cabo, but her thought process told her maybe one has opened in our town. We jumped out of the car and I handed her the pre packed bag. I said, “You are going to need this.” Then I grabbed my bag and we jumped into a van that said, “airport shuttle.”
THIS WAS MY MOMENT. The moment I will savor forever. Her mind was working a million miles an hour. 60 seconds ago she was just going to lunch and now her brain was screaming at her: You are on an airport shuttle. The shuttle is in fact driving to the airport. The airport is where planes take off and fly places. Rick says we are going to lunch at our favorite Mexican restaurant. Said restaurant is in Southern Baja Mexico. So we are flying to Mexico for lunch and then flying back? Wait, both Rick and I have carry-ons. Why would we have bags if we were going for one day? We must be going on vacation. Rick is taking me to Cabo for an overnight! Maybe more! Am I dreaming? What is happening right now? OH MY WORD! DID RICK PACK ME A BAG?!!!
T-minus sixty minutes till takeoff. The expressions in her face told me her brain was working on overdrive. There was a silent panic/excitement going on in there and I was loving every second of it. I said, “The Nonny has the kids. I cancelled all your appointments that were on the calendar. You have twenty minutes to cancel everything that was not on the calendar.” She regained enough of her wits to start asking questions: Did you pack my bag!? When are we coming back? Did you bring our passports? Do the kids know? Then a dozen questions about the kids’ schedules and who was doing what.
There was one guy on the shuttle with us and he was clearly enjoying the drama unfolding in front of him. I felt like I placed this random stranger in the shuttle to make the setting more dramatic. He was laughing and asking questions along with Robin. It was so funny because now both of them had this disbelief in their eyes. He kept apologizing and telling us he was living vicariously through us.
Three hours later my sweet valentine and I walked into our favorite Mexican restaurant for a late lunch. It was 80 degrees and Robin’s head was still spinning as we devoured the heavenly contents of our stone bowl. The afternoon sun beamed on us from the heavens exactly as I had hoped to see it beam on the calendar months ago. It was an empowering feeling pulling off the surprise POG. Looking at our kolideskope calendar a few months back, I did not really know if I could pull it off.
Sometimes we feel like there is no room on the calendar, no money in the bank, no sitter to watch our kids, no reason to disrupt the routine, and no need to take her away from it all. But if you want the heavens to open and sun to warm and enrich your life, than there is no calendar too full.
Wishing you all a happy Valentine’s Day all year long! May you disrupt the routines of your busy life and breathe sweet surprises into your marriage.
#specialneedsvalentine
#parentsonlygetaway
#valentinesday
#surprisegetaway
